I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
