Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
