I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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