Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
