you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
