At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
