heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You pole danced in your parka.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
