remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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