the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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