I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
