We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
