we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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