24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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