There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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