So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
