His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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