i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
