The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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