there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
