and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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