And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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