At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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