Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
