I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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