Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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