she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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