i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
