She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have aggressive nipples.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
