does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
