I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
