So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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