I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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