Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You need Xanax blowdarts
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
