Little spoons don't ask big questions
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
