on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
