Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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