i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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