1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
