Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
