Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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