We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
