Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
