Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
