my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
