I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How does it feel to date your dad?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
