Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
