We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
