My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
