and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Boobs are out for the taking
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
