i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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