Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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