we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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